Bringing Yoga into Life
posted by lili
on January 18, 2010
on January 18, 2010
Some people think that teaching yoga and being a conflict resolution practitioner is a pretty interesting combination. I have been paying attention lately to how much my skill and abilities as a mediator and conflict resolution practitioner have been enriched and expanded by my yoga practice including my teaching. I began learning yoga at George Washington High School in the mid-70s when a forward looking gym teacher realized the benefit of this ancient system of opening and integrating mind, body and spirit. As teenagers, we felt pretty strange doing headstands and downward facing dogs in our gym clothes, when our classmates were out shooting hoops and swimming.
What Mrs. Sawyer most likely did not realize, is that learning these simple postures and breathing techniques probably contributed more than anything else to keeping me sane through my late teens and early twenties, which were very stressful and confusing times for me.
Fast forward thirty years, and here I am as yogi, an attorney/mediator, conflict coach and Kabbalistic Healer who also teaches yoga at Samadhi, which is, as far as I can tell, one of the greatest places to teach in the Denver area. I now realize that a common thread in looking forward and back from my teens to my fiftieth year is that these practices have kept me centered and grounded, focusing on the joy and the light, during happy times and devastating times alike.
The practices of yoga are really designed for making peace—peace with your thoughts, peace with your body, peace with your discomfort and reactivity, peace with yourself. When I am in the middle of a room full of people who are engaged in a heated battle, it is very important for me to be the calm in the center of the storm.
Yoga has helped me to see that often the battles are raging as much inside of people as outside. Through thirty years of practice I have had the opportunity to quietly observe my own thoughts, judgments and reactions. Through this practice of cultivating the silent witness, the part of me that can watch and observe without reactivity, I have gotten very comfortable with the various aspects of my self, both pretty and not so nice. With this understanding and healing of my own inner conflicts, I can be more gentle, compassionate and comfortable with my humanity, including all my quirks and idiosyncrasies. This allows me to hold a safe place for others who feel threatened, angry, frustrated or misunderstood, creating some solid ground in the middle of conflicts. Understanding and acceptance of our humanity creates breathing room. People are better able to listen, to speak without blaming and work together for a common solution to their problems.
I have integrated elements from my yoga classes into my mediation sessions with wonderful results. For example, at the beginning of each mediation session, when people are filled with a variety of emotions, some of which can be quite upsetting, I ask people to take a few deep breaths, to go inside and think of their true intention. The immediate intention may be to win whatever battle they believe they are fighting. However, with some coaxing willingness emerges to look a little deeper. When they are truly honest, most people want an outcome that will be fair, honoring the value of each participant, and in the case of divorce mediation involving kids, recognizing and honoring the needs of
the children. Focusing on these higher qualities often helps us rise above the ego’s desire to be right.
Sometimes in the middle of a battle, we become very focused on the negative. I often ask parties to think about what they appreciate about the person on the other side of the table, as well as what they want to have valued in themselves. Even in the most adversarial of cases, parties who are encouraged to shift to a different vantage point can usually think of a few redeeming qualities of the people on the other side. Naming these and hearing them named often softens positions and hearts, making it easier for adversaries to become collaborators on the mission of finding a solution that will meet everybody’s needs.
Finally, I have learned to apply a certain level of non-attachment and surrender to life as a conflict professional. My intention is to go into each session very grounded and well versed on the parties and the issues. I do my best to use skill and creativity to help parties find a workable solution to their problem. However, I must ultimately give the power and the responsibility for the outcome back to the people who created the conflict, the participants themselves.
Since I have realized the great benefits of practice and teaching yoga to my career as a transformer of conflict, I have taken this understanding out on the road. These last years I have taught yoga and meditation practices to judges, attorneys, mediators, and mental health professionals at the Harvard Negotiation Insight Initiative in Boston, the Rocky Mountain Retreats for Mediators and Spirituality, the annual meetings of the Association of Conflict Resolution and The Academy of Family and Conciliation Courts in Washington, D.C. I have received incredible feedback of how much these simple postures, mindful awareness and breath practices have helped other dispute resolution professionals find the inner resources to bring a sense of peace and calm into their work.
I now see myself as a steward of the process, a guide on the road toward awareness, responsibility and ultimately freedom. This has helped me be more present and available in each moment, unattached to the outcome. Remarkably, letting go of the results has increased the percentage of settlements that have come from even the most seemingly intractable messes. Ultimately, my job as both a yoga teacher and as a conflict resolution practitioner is to be clear, available, open, and present to what arises: To be a clear reflection allowing people to have more genuine experience of who they really are. My yoga, kabbalah and meditation practice have been my greatest allies on this path of clarity and service.
Lili Zohar, All Rights Reserved.
Lili may be reached at 303 9414342 or lili@lilzohar.com and www.lilizohar.com.
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- January 18, 2010
- Samadhi's Blog
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